In 2018 everything was going great in the first half of the year. My son moved out on his own, I was dating a great guy, I was working at a job in which I provided value in areas they needed to improve, and I was healthy.
Enter the SUCK
Slowly but surely things started to unravel. I left my job, as it no longer was the best fit. My son who moved out informed me that he will need to move back home…”I love ya kid but… C’mon!” Oh and by the way his girlfriend was moving in too, whom I met once for about 10 min tops. Then the sickness came… and whoever bestowed it upon me, I will never forgive you. I couldn’t breathe had no energy, this lasted a few months. And finally, when I started feeling better, the guy I was dating, it ended.
You see all these things happened and yes they are not uncommon, but one impacted the the other. Not working and trying to make ends meet. More people in the house gave for little to no privacy and therefore struggled to maintain a relationship.There was negativity and resentment, it spilled everywhere. It hit a point where it just didn’t work anymore. I was angry, my heart was crushed. I felt like a victim of circumstances. What was worse is I was a very confident, strong, and able person who couldn’t function. I felt debilitated.
Time of Transition
The way I was dealing with everything, just wasn’t me. But what could I do, these things were out of my control, or were they? It was as if I was stuck in a moment, one that I desperately wanted to get out of but couldn’t . I felt like I was standing in the center of chaos. But I soon realized how I dealt with the situation was entirely in my control.
I learned a number of lessons during this period. First, it was a catalyst for change and I needed to accept it. I allowed myself to cry, I meditated. I found solace in being with myself. I reached out for help and showed my heart. I also put my head into getting fit. I was spending about 2 hours at the gym and I was running almost daily. After my run, I would sit on the rocks at the beach and I would remind myself that this is a season and as seasons go, this one will pass.
Finding Truth
I started to look for experiences that would put me at a level of discomfort, knowing that it’s OK to be uncomfortable. Life cannot always be planned out, nor should it. Unfortunate things happen to us all. However, it’s how we learn to deal with the situation once it arises that is going to build us into stronger, more resilient, wiser, and more importantly, happier people.
We shouldn’t run away from things that scare us. Life is scary, new experiences are scary, being vulnerable is scary. This last one many of us struggle with but its usually an area for much growth. Think about it, my season of suck was all about being vulnerable.
So how did my story end? It doesn’t. I landed a new job, I am actively dating, and it may not always turn into something… (that’s OK, it gives me research for a more entertaining future blog).
I’m putting myself out there and getting to meet some great people, and perhaps while we are learning about each other along the way…. I am helping them learn a few lessons about themselves too.
Finally, as I am sure you were curious to know. Yes, my son and his girlfriend are starting their life together. They have their own place and doing their thing, as they should. I couldn’t be a more prouder mom because when I was going through my season, they were going through theirs. Sun’s out baby - enjoy!
The season may have lasted much longer than I anticipated. But the next season came and provided me with more insight, as well as self actualization. I was able to connect the dots of my life, and learn about my actions and behaviors and how I affect those around me. Ya, even though the season was bad - it was good. Out of the darkness - comes light. We are capable of great things and sometimes it’s necessary to embrace the season in order to learn just what we are intended to do.